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"Bravo, Maestro!"
What? Kings Island AGAIN? Well, let me point out a few things. First of all, I have a season pass and a parking pass for Kings Island, so attending Kings Island is basiclly free, plus the $10 in gas it costs me to get there. And I just came off of an expensive week of visiting cheap parks. Odd dynamic that comes from season passes--
KINGS ISLAND:
Parking: $9.00 Paid: $0.00
Admission: $42.00 Paid: $0.00
Value: $51.00 My cost: $0.00
LESOURDSVILLE LAKE:
Parking: $4.00 Paid: $4.00
Admission: $20.00 Paid: $20.00
Value: $24.00 My cost: $24.00
Thanks to the season pass, instead of saving $27 by going to LeSourdsville Lake instead of Kings Island, it actually costs me $24.00 more!
Anyway, Kings Island is a cheaper park for me to visit than most of the "cheap" parks. But beyond that, there was another, more important reason to go to Kings Island. The ride enthusiasts have a network going, far more extensive than merely telephones, magazines, and the Internet. This is a network that puts a spy or two in every park, an informant in every manufacturing plant, and features a lot of "unnamed sources."
Just after the Independence Day weekend, the Network went nuts. Kings Island became the epicenter of a slew of emergency broadcasts. Not a word from the park, but the Unnamed Sources were warning that there was less than a week remaining for a major attraction at Kings Island before it closed for good. In that case, it's settled: Time to go to Kings Island before the Phantom Theater staged its final curtain call!
I arrived at the park shortly after it opened. A sizeable group of coaster nuts had assembled, and the available park PR staff informed us that The Beast would be sleeping in this morning...so we would be taken back to Tomb Raider. Which was fine; I hadn't been on that ride in a while.
The ride program for Tomb Raider has changed a little, and apparently they're still having some trouble with some of the effects, and the big orange stepladder doesn't look like it belongs there. But hey, it was the first ride of the day, and I'll bet that stepladder was gone by the time they started letting in the "normal" people. The ride cycle has changed a bit. It's still a 2:30 cycle, and it still spends too much time in the lava pit scene. But it actually whips overhead a couple of times and spends less time on the stalactite scene. So they're getting there. If they could get it to park a little quicker then perhaps the ending wouldn't be so anticlimactic. Oh, there's one other thing about Tomb Raider. I've pointed this out to the park enough times that they've had plenty of time to fix it, and since they haven't, now I get to embarass them in a public forum. As you prepare to board the ride there are several signs warning you of things that might happen to you. And every one of those signs warns you to expect a "turbulant ride." You would think that a big organization like Kings Island would know how to spell "turbulent" properly.
Okay, enough fun at the park's expense for one trip report. This is Report #6 for Kings Island, and by now I think you know how I feel about most of their rides. The Beast did wake up almost on time, albeit with only two trains, and I took a ride. It seems they've tightened up the brake on the top of the second hill a bit, and I noticed what looked like an arc welder sitting on the ground under that hill, so I'm not sure what's up. I also don't quite get the way the blocking is working on this ride anymore; with only two trains on the track the second train stacked (due to a slow load) on the block brake immediately uptrack of the station, but later in the day with three trains running the stacked train stopped on the block brake behind the block brake immediately uptrack of the station. I would think that with three trains they would want to put the spare block on the high speed (uptrack) side of the stopped train. In any case, with the magnetic brakes The Beast is a much more consistent ride than it has been in years, but the park is still tweaking the brakes. The good news is, I think they're making it faster!
I rode the Flying Scooters. I rode Flight of Fear in the front seat. I walked right by Racer. Cutting across the park, I rode the doomed Phantom Theater.
You walk into a theater lobby where the Maestro is playing the organ. Then you go down a dark hallway with busts on either side that are always looking in your direction (done with negative relief). At the end of the hallway, you step onto a turntable and walk to your car, an Omnimover-type dark-ride vehicle. You enter the theater, where Maestro stands by the curtain saying, "So you want to see the theater? Well, go ahead! Looking for some excitement? What are you looking at?". Through a minor little quirk, at that point the ride vehicles go around a hairpin turn and turn to face each other, usually giving me an opportunity to express shock and fright at the sight of the people in the next tub.
You pass portraits of several people; the painted portrait fades to reveal an animated version of the person pictured. Hilda Bovine shrieks a high-note. The Great Garbonzo snickers and chuckles. Maestro appears as his ghostly self. Houdelini stands, hat in hand. Willard Warbler drops out of sight. A mostly disembodied usher points the way and we pass the dressing rooms. A statue is reciting Shakespeare. Willard Warbler yells at us to close the door. The Great Garbonzo is standing inside his door with sticks of dynamite in hand. And The Mighty Bosco seems to have trouble getting his door open.
On around the corner, we pass the light board, an ancient thing with knife switches on it where a gaffer with a flashlight tells us that backstage is for performers only, and that it's no place to play around. He pulls the switch and the lights go out. Just past the light board is the call board showing the performers' order of appearance. We continue around the corner, past a couple of stage hands trying to make the pin-rail work. The one guy really gets wrapped up in his work as the other tries to show him the ropes. Here are the rehearsal rooms. In Houdelini's room, he pulls a rabbit out of his hat, a couple of trunks bounce around, and small props dance about on the table. In the next room, Hilda Bovine hits a high note and her mirror breaks. The usher hurries us into the theater to see the show. There, the Great Garbonzo is fired from a cannon across the top of the stage. Houdelini hovers over center stage. On stage, Hilda, Lionel and Willard stand by for their acts. And patrons sit in their boxes on either side. Downstage center, Maestro himself plays at the theater organ.
Exiting the auditorium, Maestro tells us, "You have defiled our world, now escape if you can." and "Do you think you will be allowed to leave now that you have heard my music?" He is standing next to a player piano. and sheet music swirls overhead. We go around the corner to the prop room where we are greeted by a gargoyle. "Come in, look around. We don't get many visitors down here. Don't be frightened; gargoyles are vegetarian!" A mummy moans as he tips out of his upended sarcophagus. Around the corner a Centurion stands saying, "Halt! Who goes there! Stop and be identified by the Centurion! You have come too far! You have seen too much! So sayeth the Centurion." Various odd props are scattered about here. A pair of swords move back and forth on the wall, a lantern dangles overhead and a black cat is seemingly shocked by a gigantic mouse popping up from behind the table. A fire roars in a window. We circle a group of broken and cobwebbed pipes beneath a sign that reads, "BOILER ROOM". In the next and final room, two big guys are working until they are blue in the face to keep the furnace stoked. "Ha ha ha...How about some heat?" says the one as he opens the furnace grille and we are hit with a blast of hot air. Past these two guys we turn to the left and rejoin the turntable to exit the ride. Walk past the surveillance station, and over speakers at the exit we hear the Maestro say, "So you think you've escaped. But you'll be back! You'll be back!"
Well, not anymore we won't. 8-(
There is a nice article about Phantom Theater at: http://dafe.org/attractions/darkrides/phantom/phantom.htm
although that article incorrectly identifies The Great Garbonzo as
Lionel Burymore a couple of times, suggesting that perhaps the author didn't
know beans about Phantom Theater.
The ride was running at nearly double its normal speed, and every other tub on the Omnimover-style dark ride system was tied off. My guess was that the closed cars were because of the high speed: the time spent on the loading turntable is limited, and at high speed there just isn't enough time to load all of the cars. There was also a recurring problem. A sign outside the ride indicated that this would be the ride's last operating day. Knowing that, lots of people brought their video cameras, hoping to videotape the ride, but the ride crew was being particularly nasty about prohibiting that activity on this operating day. I rode several times, and each time the ride was interrupted by an announcement by the ride crew, blinded by some rider's IR illuminator on the security camera. For the record, while I had my camera with me on every ride, and had it in my hand for my first ride, I didn't do any on-board shooting...I had been told not to when I boarded, so I didn't.
When I took my final ride on Phantom Theater, I asked one of the operators about the high speed and the closed cars; she indicated that indeed the closed cars were because of the high speed, and the high speed was because the park was testing the feasability of running the system at high speed. This suggests to me that the new attraction for next year may very well use the same Morgan Manufacturing transportation system that is currently in place.
Over the course of the day I rode almost every ride in the park (didn't ride Racer or Face/Off). I spent much of the day with Scott Short, and the two of us opted for lunch at Chipotle instead of in the park. Scott had a long drive home, so he left early, but I stayed almost until park closing (in fact the fireworks were going off as I was walking out to my car). That gave me time to enjoy the moderate crowds before the waterpark closed, and even to take a ride on Ghoster Coaster, which had the shortest line I have seen for that ride all season. Why is it that even the smallest kiddie coaster at Kings Island gives me more room than the biggest wood coaster? Oh, and one other thing I noticed. Across from the Beastie, next to the big Nickelodeon water play whatchamacallit thingy, there is what looks like an oil well derrick. Every so often, that thing starts rumbling (courtesy of the speakers hidden in the flower bed), a large pressure gauge (looks a bit like a street clock) pegs out, and a geyser of water sprays out of the top of the tower. Or at least that's what is supposed to happen, and that's what was happening on this particular day. I mention it because in all my visits this season, this is the first time I've seen the geyser work.
This is the time of year when Kings Island is usually at its best. The crowds start to peak, the crews have hit their stride, everything in the park tends to work pretty well. I suppose this is why they chose this particular time to shut down the Phantom Theater, letting Hilda Bovine go out on a high note, The Great Garbonzo goes out with a bang, Houdelini will simply disappear, Lionel Burymore will opt simply "not to be," Willard Warbler will drop out of sight, The Mighty Bosco will finally get his door open, and Maestro himself will find another place to play. The Phantom Theater has taken its final curtain call. And for some reason, the only thing I can think to say about it is, "Zoinks!"
--Dave Althoff, Jr.
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